The Words I Wish I Said
by Cheion
Summary: If he could go back in time, there were so many things he would have done differently. Now, all he can do is to attempt to change the future.
1. Promises

A/N: So I just caught BvS yesterday, and despite its flaws, I found it to be such a wonderfully emotional and inspiring film. The final battle as well as the ending stood out for me, and were thus the inspiration for this fanfic. Before you read ahead…be warned that this fic contains pretty major spoilers as to what happened in the movie. So if you have not watched it yet and do not wish to be spoiled…turn away now and come back later :)

Ohyeah, I almost forgot.

 **DISCLAIMER:** as always, I don't own anyone in the story. Just a little something I was thinking about after the movie :)

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Chapter Title: Promises

Summary for this chapter: He failed once. He won't fail again.

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Ever since that day, Martha could not sleep well.

Sometimes, she would take out the scrapbook of photographs she had painstakingly compiled over the years. Sometimes, she would simply stare into the distance, lost in deep thought. Sometimes, she felt like crying but her eyes remained dry. She feared her tears were all but spent, and she had nothing left. And yet, life went on. Time continued ticking, the world continued to spin. As if everything was normal when it was not. As if everything was right, when everything was wrong.

It was in the early hours of a Thursday morning when she became aware of a knocking on the door. Mechanically, she rose from her seating place, grimacing as the movement agitated her cramped muscles. As she opened the door just a crack, she saw a man clad in a sleek black suit, complete with a black tie and polished black shoes.

"Martha," the man said.

Martha eyed the man suspiciously. Experience has taught her that men in suits spelt trouble - but there was something different about the man standing at her doorstep. There was something about his voice... something in his eyes, that made her hesitate in closing the door without saying a word. Somewhere in the distance, the geese were calling. Their voices echoed through sky, like drifting tendrils of dust in the Kansas air.

"Who are you?" She asked finally.

The man raised a hand to his face and rubbed his nose. "You may not know who I am, but..." He hesitated for a moment, closing his eyes. "'I'm a friend of your son. Superman."

The man noted as her body visibly stiffened.

"I'm afraid you are mistaken, good sir," she began, forcing a small smile on her face. "My son's name is Clark, not Sup-"

"Martha." The veiled emotions laden in the single word caused her to pause mid-sentence.

"You and I both know that your son... died... fighting Doomsday. To save a world that didn't believe in him."

She stared at him for a few seconds, as did he.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Martha furrowed her eyebrows. This man was a stranger - and yet, he seemed so familiar. She could not shake off the strange feeling that she knew him, though she was sure she had never met him before in her life. Or had she?

"Who are you?" she asked quietly.

The man swallowed, shifting uncomfortably at his feet.

Martha suddenly realised she wasn't being a good host.

"Do you want to come in?" She asked, opening the door just a little bit wider.

"No, no. It's fine." The man waved his hand. "I just wanted to say... I'm sorry."

There was a heavy pause.

"I failed him."

If she was not suspicious of him before, she was now.

"What do you mean?" She asked. Part of her was curious for the answer, part of her was afraid of what she would hear.

"I never saw the goodness in him until it was too late."

The man swallowed, running a hand through his hair. The words seemed wrong in his throat. So... small. So insignificant. "I'm not here to reveal his identity, if that's your concern. I'm - "

"Then why are you here?" Her voice had taken on a hard edge to it. The average person would have taken it as a sign of hostility, but the man knew better.

"I didn't trust him. I was blinded by the possibility that he was a potential threat that I failed to recognise he too could be a force for good." The man sighed, lowering his hand. "He was a good man. A hero. A... Superman."

The silence hung between them like a thick fog. Martha stared at the man, looking into the deep brown eyes of his. As he raised his gaze to meet her own, she was taken aback by the haunted look in his eyes. She knew pain when she saw it.

"He was," she said softly. "He was."

The man nodded once. "His sacrifice won't be in vain. I promise."

Martha eyed the man, unsure of how she should respond. "Thank you," she said finally. She couldn't look at him, not anymore. Not with the tears brimming in her eyes. She wasn't sure when they came, and was surprised to find herself blinking them away. But she would not cry, not now. Not in front of a stranger, she would not.

"I have something for you." The man retrieved a white envelope from the folds of his blazer, handing it to Martha.

Martha received the envelope hesitantly. Inside, she felt the distinct edges of a card. There was something else - something small and round and hard.

"What is this?"

The man smiled. "Open it," he said simply.

Martha stared at the envelope for a few long seconds. Then, in one resolute movement, she tore open the envelope, retrieving the small card that sat snuggly within. She began to read.

 _"My mother's name was Martha too._

 _I'm sorry I didn't manage to protect your son._

 _But I won't fail again._

 _If ever you are in need... just activate this signal, and I will be there._

 _Just as he was always there for all of us."_

Tipping the envelope, Martha allowed the small item concealed within to fall into the palm of her hand. She turned the device around in her hands curiously, her fingers rubbing against the red button that lay in its centre.

She took a double take.

Studying the button closely, she recognised the emblem of a bat imprinted on it - and there, in the middle of the emblem, lay the proud crest of the House of El.

She stopped short at the revelation. In the distance, the geese were calling once more. The sun was just rising above the horizon, the first hints of yellow peeking out into the sky. She waited for the man to speak once more but he did not. Then, as the full implications of the gift dawned upon her, she realized none needed to be.

But as she opened her mouth and raised her gaze to confront the man once more, she realised he was gone. All that was left were two footprints imprinted faintly in the swirling dust.

 **-fin-**

so...thoughts? :)

—

next up: Realisations

 _He never realised how wrong he was— until it was too late._


	2. Realisations

Chapter Title: Realisations

Summary for this chapter: He never realised just how wrong he was— until it was too late

* * *

Batman fired, watching as the kryptonite grenade connected with its target. A thick plume of green smoke rose up and surrounded the monster as it roared in pain; yet, he feared it was too little, too late.

 _We need the spear._

So focused was he on the monster that he found himself surprised when his peripheral vision detected a greenish glow approaching them at a rapid pace. He raised his eyes, only to see Superman grasping the kryptonite spear tightly in his hands. Despite the smoke and dust, Batman could see the slight tremble of the Kryptonian's muscles. The lines of pain written all over his face, as the poison coursed through his veins. The determined gaze in his eyes, as they locked with the beast standing tall amidst the destruction.

His expression turned from that of surprise to horror.

 _"You are not brave... men are brave."_

The harsh words he had spoken to the alien just hours before echoed in his mind. Batman opened his mouth to speak, but words eluded him. Suddenly, he was no longer on Stryker's Island, but back in Crime Alley. No longer the Batman, but the frightened 8 year old boy.

 _Bruce watched as the thug raised his gun and pointed it at his family. As his father protectively shoved him behind his back. As the first shot that changed his life forever rang out in the air._

Batman watched as the kryptonite spear connected with its target. A primal scream rose from deep within the beast's throat, its first clear sign of agony since the whole nightmare began. A deep greenish hue began to surround the chest wound, the deadly poison spreading like wispy tendrils in its cracked body. His heart leapt in his throat when he realised that the kryptonite had failed to fully penetrate its hard outer shell. Diana Prince strained to hold on to her lasso, but a particularly powerful surge of energy knocked her over, causing her to momentarily lose her grip. With a loud roar, the monster broke free from its restraints, leaving the already weakened Superman vulnerable to attack.

 _Bruce watched as his mother lunged forward toward the attacker, screaming for him to leave her son alone. As the thug gave a cruel smile, casually sliding his gun under the pearl necklace. As the second shot rang out as clear as day in the dark of the night._

Batman watched as the monster grabbed Superman tightly in its fist. The latter grunted, struggling to maintain his grip on the spear. Slowly, deliberately, the monster raised its own weapon - the hand that ended in a sharp bony protrusion - in the air. The spike glistened like a dagger in the chaotic, dancing light.

His heart almost stopped.

 _"You say that you want to help people, but you can't feel their pain... their mortality."_

Faster than the eye could see, the monster brought the deadly weapon down in one vicious thrust. For the second time that night, a sharp, agonised scream of pain - this time distinctly more _human_ \- echoed through the air.

A thick cloud of dust and smoke obscured his vision. He strained to pick out the two silhouettes in the middle of the battlefield. When the dust cleared, Batman drew in sharp breath at the horrifying sight. Whether it was a trick of the light, whether the monster possessed some sort of sentience, whether it knew what it was doing, or whether it was simply a product of his own imagination, he would never know. But he swore the beast gave a sadistic smirk as it glared at the mortally-wounded hero, its appendage embedded deep in Superman's chest, the latter's face contorting in an expression of pure agony.

Given the severity of the injury, Batman feared the man no longer possessed the strength to deal the killing blow. A part of him was amazed that he was still alive from what seemed to be a fatal wound. He watched in morbid fascination as the man reached out with a trembling hand, grasping a spike on the monster's arm. Using it as leverage, he slowly and agonisingly pulled himself closer toward the monster. The pained expression on his face intensified.

It was a few seconds before Batman realised that in doing so, the man was inadvertently driving the dagger deeper into himself.

A wreath of unfamiliar emotions fluttered within his heart. Guilt at the words he now knew to be untrue, shame at the wrongful judgement he had imposed on an innocent, fear _for_ (and not _of_ ) the very same man he was so determined to kill just hours before.

 _"It's time you learnt what it means to be a man."_

If the situation wasn't so dire, he would have laughed.

With a final soundless cry, Superman used his diminishing strength to thrust the kryptonite spear completely into the monster's heart. For the second and final time, the beast unleashed an unearthly scream that filled the night, its cry of pain so sharp and reverberating that it caused the ground to shake and the heavens to tremble. As the dust gathered in a thick fog around the two Kryptonians, Batman watched as the energy within the beast was discharged as powerful blasts, casting a distorted, eerie glow into the blackened night. Somewhere, a detached part of his mind wondered if even the sky would crack from the force of such a blast. Underneath all the chaos, a second, fainter, agonised cry reached his ears.

Then, as suddenly as it all began, the night fell dark and silent. The monster fell onto its knees and toppled to its side, the limp body of Superman finally falling from its grasp.

It was over.

Batman never did believe in God, but as he made his way to the two unmoving forms, he found himself fervently praying to whoever it was up there, to whoever would _listen_ that the beast would not get up.

It did not.

He gazed at the motionless body of Superman, hoping against hope that the man would.

He did not.

 _"You're not brave... men are brave."_

Slowly, he crept closer to the motionless body, his stomach churning at the sight of the vacant expression on the man's face. At the deep, ugly wound on his chest.

 _"You're not a God. You're not even a man."_

For the first time in a long while, he realised just how wrong he was.

 **-fin-**

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A/N: In the movie, they showed Batman cast a sideways glance after firing the kryptonite gas at Doomsday, before the scene cut to Superman holding the spear. This was what I imagined to have gone through Batman's mind. Hope you liked it!

Reviews are greatly appreciated, I do wish to know how to improve on my writing :)

Alekile: Thank you for the kind words! I felt the same way too haha, it would have been nice to see Bruce pay a visit to Martha in the movie.

Lord Darth Yoda: Glad you liked it!

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next up: Redemption

 _If there was even a one percent chance, it was a chance he would have to take._


	3. Redemption

Chapter Title: Redemption  
Summary for this chapter: If there was even a one percent chance, it was a chance he would have to take.

* * *

Bruce Wayne and Diana Prince stood quietly in the distance, watching as the casket was lowered into the ground.

The funeral was small.  
The funeral was simple.  
There were no solemn bagpipes, no large crowd of mourners, no men in black nor men in uniforms.

Despite having only known the man for only a few hours (excluding the months he spent plotting to kill him), Bruce knew it was what he would have wanted.

Elsewhere, a large funeral with full military honours was being held for the very same man. Soldiers marched on in perfect formation, the black (albeit empty) casket hoisted on their shoulders. A crowd of mourners had gathered, tears streaming down their faces as they watched them go. In Heroes Park, still others gathered at the very place his statue once stood. Hands that once held protest signs now cradled flowers and candles. Hearts that were once filled with fear and hate were now filled with loss and despair. It would have been a rare scene of peace in the bustling city, if it were not for the unmistakable blanket of sorrow that hung heavily in the air.

It was as if the world had finally realised, just as Bruce had, that the Kryptonian was indeed a good man.  
And now, he was gone.

 _If you're looking for his monument, look all around you._

It was a simple line; yet, no other words would so perfectly encapsulate the man and what he fought for.  
What he died for.

 _"Twenty years in Gotham. How many good guys are left? How many stayed that way?"_

Bruce was so confident of the answer then.  
Now, he wasn't so sure anymore.

Batman and Superman. The Bat and the God, the Darkness and the Light.

They hardly knew each other. _He_ had hardly bothered to find out anything more about the Kryptonian.  
But there, in the battle that seemed all but a terrible nightmare, he saw _something_ _._

Something different.  
Something powerful.  
Something... _good_.

As he watched the casket disappear into the ground, a plan began to emerge in his mind. From Luthor's files, he knew there were others just like him, fighting a battle of their own. Perhaps, it was time they all came together. To fight as a team. As a Justice League.

Together, they would strive to protect, just as he did.  
To fight for justice, just as he did.  
To inspire hope, just as he did.

It wouldn't be easy to locate them all, but the Batman didn't _do_ easy. If there was even a _one_ percent chance of success... it was a chance he would have to take.

 **-fin-**

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Bruce Wayne: _He has the power to wipe out the entire human race, and if we believe there's a ONE percent chance that he is our enemy we have to take it as an absolute certainty_!

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A/N: A shorter chapter this time :) I just love the mutual respect, trust and friendship between those two! Since Bruce realised that Clark was indeed a good man, I guessed he might have felt that the only way to honour Clark's death was to fight in his name. Brucie's always so stoic and unreadable but he has a tender heart too XD Hopefully in the Justice League movie, he and Superman are gonna develop the same bromance we all know and love ;)

Leave a review and a fav?

Ten-Kusanagi: Thank you! Glad you liked it!

ALEKILE: Hope you liked this chapter too!

* * *

Next up: (final installment) The Words I Wish I Said

The title sums up what it's gonna be about :)


	4. The Words I Wish I Said

**-Two weeks later-**

He didn't know what he was doing. Sure, he was probably still feeling guilty over Superman's death but it wasn't like he had never _seen_ someone die before. He couldn't explain it, but ever since Doomsday, something was different. The Batman pulled punches and made decisions he never did before. The Batman would never have had any qualms about beating down on criminals, nor about ramming them down with his Batmobile before. Yet, since that night, he did neither of these. Offenders were simply left secured, bruised and unconscious (but very much alive), awaiting arrest by the Gotham police.

Even Alfred had sensed the shift in him, and casually remarked in an amused, and dare he admit— relieved?— tone, "My word, Master Bruce...you've procured yourself a heart!"

That startled him more than he let on. When was the last time he had actually _cared_ whether or not these criminals lived? A part of him was disturbed when he found he had no answer.

That night, he did not immediately return to the Wayne mansion after his nightly patrol. He didn't know where he was going, just that he had to go _somewhere._ The Batman surrendered himself to instincts, simply allowing his subconscious mind to lead the way. Nonetheless, it was with disconcerting surprise that he found himself standing by the gates of the Kansas cemetery.

 _Why the hell am I here?_

He found he had no answer. Or did he? Perhaps, it was simply his conscious mind repressing the thoughts he refused to acknowledge. It did not matter. There was only one person he would be here for.

With agility that would have rivaled a panther, Batman strode past the gates and towards the grave that bore the Kryptonian's name. Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply. Somehow, deep down, he knew the Kryptonian was the answer. There were things he wanted... _needed_ to say to the man. But while Bruce might have been a suave philanthropist, the Batman was never good with words. It was a long while before he spoke.

"I was wrong," he began quietly. He paused, the black cape behind him fluttering gently in the wind.

"There are some things I should have said. I should have said them when you were here, but... "

He lowered his head, licking his dry lips.

"For the brief time I fought you, worked with you... you've proved you aren't the monster we all thought you were."

Batman reached out with a gloved hand, tentatively touching the tombstone. The granite felt cool to the touch.

"I'm sorry."

He closed his eyes as a wave of memories washed over him.

"I spent 20 years fighting crime in Gotham. I've seen good men give in to the darkness. I've seen good men die. And...I lost sight of the reason why I donned this cape."

Batman took a deep breath.

"You showed me that justice does not always have to come from the darkness. I'd never thought it would take a visitor from the stars to remind me what it means to be brave. To be... human."

He had no idea where those words came from; it was as if they seemingly popped out from nowhere only to tumble freely from his mouth. And yet... they felt so right. Reaching into the folds of his cowl, he retrieved a single white lily. He rubbed its stem absentmindedly, before carefully placing the flower atop the tombstone.

"Thank you."

A light breeze began to flutter, a gentle touch upon his cheek. He stared at the name engraved on the tombstone for several long moments.

Then, the Batman melted into the night.

 **-fin-**

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A/N: This was inspired by Batman's eulogy to Superman at the latter's funeral in the Justice League episode, "Hereafter". So much manly feels from his speech 3

I had some difficulty reconciling the inner struggle in Batman for this, so hopefully I did it justice! I felt that while Batman always portrays a nonchalant front, he is still vulnerable inside; after all, he's just a man grieving for his lost friend. I guess while Robin's (implied) death pushed him off the deep end, Superman should be the one that helps him back to dry land. Hey, it rhymes!

*Ahem* anyway... here's the end result. I honestly don't know if this turned out well, so reviews and constructive criticisms are welcome!

Off the internet, _"White stargazer lilies symbolizes sympathy and any type of white lily expresses majesty and purity."_

I'll likely be ending this here :) Life is gonna kick me in the face again since exams are in 3 weeks. Blehh.  
Thanks for reading!

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ALEKILE: ohh yes, it's the bromance we need (and deserve) XD

Guest: Ahh I see! The naming part didn't cross my mind then, though it does make sense. Thanks for the review!

edmaster2: I sure hope so too! :)

DeanCasLover22: Thank you for your kind words, hope you will enjoy this one as well :) And I agree, I was at the edge of my seat during the final battle, especially the scene where Superman sacrificed himself. Totally an 'oh crap' moment for me hahaha


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